Christmas Traditions/Remembering those who are gone

Ok So I know that may sound like a funny title.. But it does have a meaning for me. I was thinking about different family traditions and all the things that happen during the holidays. Most of the time I am all for getting over with them. However I do have a few moments of reflection, especially since my dad passed away on Christmas Eve morning in 2004. Most of the time I can think of him and be just fine, other times I get pretty emotional. Especially around the anniversary of his passing. One thing that helps me cope with him being gone is continuing a special breakfast that he made quite often. Usually when we would all be together for some reason or another or sometimes just because. The recipe sounds crazy and when I tell people about this special breakfast, the looks are ones of " you must be cookoo" etc. The breakfast is called Chocolate Gravy and Biscuits. Yes you read correctly. Now I know what your thinking. But dont knock it till you try it. Someone in my dad's family way back figured this fantastic way to have chocolate for breakfast. Any how back to traditions. Now on Christmas Eve morning I make chocolate gravy and biscuits for my family. A conversation about my dad usually is included. The kids can talk about memories or just listen to mine. I miss my dad alot. Somedays it still feels sureal that he is gone. I have pictures of him in my living room and in my office. My mom gets a little put out that he is the only parent I have pictures up. I just tell her when she dies I will do the same for her. Its not that I dont love my mom or even my step mom. I have just always been closer to my dad. He has had a HUGE impact on my life. Ok so anyway what are some of your traditions that you have started or continued now that you have your own family etc? I would love to hear them. Also I hope all who read this have a Happy Holiday surrounded by loved ones. And if loved ones are far away or gone... I hope you have some special way of feeling close to them and remembering them.

One Month Old

WOW!! Time flies! Brennan is already a month old! Yes he is still little but I can see such a difference already. I wish there was a magic button to put babies on hold. It is so sad how fast time goes by. I am torn by my feelings about having him get older. I am excited to see what he will look like. I love it when they start to respond to being talked to and smiled at. I especially love to hear the baby chatter. Such sweet little sounds. It always seems they have such an amazing story to tell. Perhaps its why they cant talk for a few years. I like to believe the veil is very thin for them when they first arrive here. After all they are perfect. It is also fun to see their personality come out more and more. Also that thing called sleep isnt so fleeting. However, as they grow they are not as easy to carry around. I always miss holding them when they are all tucked into themselves. Outside influences start to emerge. Some not so great... Like saying "no" etc. Oh yes and then the potty training ugh!!! Well atleast until its learned. Then that is a positive. I love snuggling with my babies. I love how helpless they are. It makes me feel so important. Funny I know. I love the fact that they are so reliant upon me, especially when it comes to feeding them. It is the most amazing time. Especially when they just gaze up at me.

Ok you get the point I know. I am not sure how I will ever fill "done". It is the most wonderful gift in the world to be able to carry these sweet little spirits, bring them into the world (especially when you have an amazing husband) It just never gets old. Even after 4 kids. Not having any more children also means a new phase in life! Yikes Im really not sure Im ready for that. How can you ever know if you are totally done. Or I should say if God agrees with you that you are done? What if one partner says without a doubt you are done but the other just cant say that? So many feelings and emotions. Thankfully I still get to enjoy my sweet little one for a little while before I really have to make a decision!! And I do enjoy 99% of my time with him. That sleep thing is missed but will happen soon enough!!

Sleep deprivation

It has been about 3 weeks since I posted my last blog. I have had a few comments about the fact I dont have recent pictures of Brennan. Babies change so quickly. I have a goal this week to get some new shots posted( I still have to take some lol). Brennan is a fantastic sleeper during the day. I cant even get him to nurse more than maybe 8 minutes on one side before he is out. However at night he is a completely different little boy. Sooo fussy!!! I understand the waking up often etc. Hello I have 3 other children. But Brennan falls asleep at about 9:30 or 10 and sleeps for about 2.5 hours,( 3 on very rare occasions) then stays awake for about 4-5 hrs. I nurse him continually during this time. He may fall asleep for about 15-20 minutes but the minute I put him down, he starts to fuss and cry. UGH!! I am so tired. This will continue until about 5 or 6 am then I feed and change him and he will fall alseep for about 1.5 -2 hrs then wake up in time for the kids to go off to school, I feed him again and he will fall asleep at about 9 am and sleep for 3 hrs!!! What is going on is lost on me!! I have read that about 2-3 weeks babies can become colic. I have never had a baby with colic. But apparently Drs dont know what causes it, or what cures it. It can happen only at night or 24 hrs a day. And then about 3 months it disappears! I hope Brennan does not have night colic. I am struggling to manage during the day as it is. Thankfully I only have him at home during the day so I can take advantage of his sleepy day. It is the only thing that is keeping me sane. I have decided, looking back at the pregnancy, the awful delivery and now this new challenge, that Brennan is allowing me to experience all the things I did not get to deal with with the other 3 kids!!! Isnt that sweet of him!! LOL.
I must say that even with all the exciting nights, I am so glad I have this sweet little man!! What a blessing babies are, even with all the struggles! It still amazes me that even with 4 kids I am still shocked at the love I feel when I look at each of them. Ok time to go catch up on some sleep. I hope everyone has a great day. Oh I do have some pictures of when we blessed Brennan. I will post them and then I will still work on getting some other shots.

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Such a proud Daddy!!!